Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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