A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
