I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Too much gin, very little bucket
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
