I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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