Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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