I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
