if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize