Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
