can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
