Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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