That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
