he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You were trust falling into bushes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
