yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
