Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
