Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
