4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
