why didn't you poke me back
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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