we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
