So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
