I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
