Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
