so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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