Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going