Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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