Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask