I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning