Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"