Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me