i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.