Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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