woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
