for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
