hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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