Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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