I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
