I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
