I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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