She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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