Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
