he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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