Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
