do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
