grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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