Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
