I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
