New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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