just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i dont even know how to be here
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
