exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
