we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
