Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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