Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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