The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
