Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
