I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
