you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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