Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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