It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
