I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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