I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
