you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
