Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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