im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
