Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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