I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
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Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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