Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
