i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
