you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
