When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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