I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Randomize
