Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
