I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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