We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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