The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I CAN MOONWALK!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
