I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
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The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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